An Alternate View of the Science of Human Behavior……..

Economists argue that economics offers not merely a set of insights about the production and consumption of material goods but also a science of human behavior.  At the heart of this science is a simple but sweeping idea:  In all domains of life, human behavior can be explained by assuming that people decide what to do by weighting the costs and benefits of the options before them, and choosing the one they believe will give them the greatest welfare, or utility.

The alternate view to the science of human behavior is the dimensions of mind and spirit. Research in the study of disease causation reveals the dimensions of the mind and spirit are crucial factors in the disease process.  What we think and feel seems to be as vital to the state of our health as the food we eat or the exercise we engage in.  The emergence of the holistic model of the person or the person-centered model of care views the human being as a total person, an individual with social, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs as well as obvious physical needs.  Changes in one dimension of the person will trigger changes in other dimensions of his or her personhood.  What emerges from this unified understanding of the person is the conclusion that the health of the spirit is the vital dynamic in the health of the whole person.

So what is the fundamental meaning of the science of human behavior as it relates to the spiritual aspect of human existence?  Does life really have meaning—any real meaning—or do we just live and die in a small frame of a pointless, accidental cycle of the universe?  Why is everything the way it is?   What is the rhyme or reason behind all this?  What is our purpose in living?  Where can we look for—THAT--which is ultimately real, that unlimited source from which we derive life and meaning?  Behind all such questions is a fundamental one.  The question of meaning in its deeper aspects involves us in the realm of the “sacred” where thinking and feelings are revealed.

The “sacred” is about a path to ultimate transformation.  It is expressed in thought, action, and feelings.  The “sacred” is not something to be proved or disproved.  It’s a certain feeling.  The “sacred” realm of reality with ultimate significance is the ultimate good in human life.

Sophia…….

Sophia is a special lady!! She is my daughter-in-law, but I usually drop the (in-law) part. Sophia is always present in the lives of all the people who have a need of her attention—brothers, mother, daughter, husband, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, distant relatives and, yes, her father-in-law.  There are many, many hugs, kisses, how are you, sharing and greetings, stories to tell, up-dates and, of course, food to share and food to be prepared. There is always food to be prepared—especially on Sundays, holidays, special occasions and birthdays. Sophia uses every minute of every day engaged in the lives of family and friends and all kinds of tasks—it’s like art in motion. I usually get my time in the kitchen on Sundays when she is preparing Sunday dinner. I learn about her latest concoctions which she always warns me that it may not taste good because something may be missing. I learned about how long to keep the entrees in the oven, the latest cookware, some new recipes and spices, and an update on the latest news and future family events. In between all of these activities, she may run an errand, take the clothes out of the dryer and forever cleaning, cleaning and cleaning as she shares her kitchen with her mother.

Her dream is to one day become an interior decorator. Knowing Sophia, she will have that interior decorating business. Recently, I watch with deep admiration as she got totally involved in helping to move me to my current resident. Like clockwork, it was done with precision and with a Sophia touch!!  She find time to give my son instructions and make sure my granddaughter has eaten, clothes and hair is in place for school and homework is completed. 

How fortunate my son must feel to have this wonderful energetic lady in his life—after all, they just celebrated fifteen (15) years of marriage. Happy Anniversary Sophia!!!! 

The X Generation………Solving for X

“It is in that it”

When you look in the mirror, you see a reflection of the truth in plain sight!  You are already that which you can become.  If you are to become something, a time process will be a must.  All of those who have known, they have also known that becoming is a dream.  You are already that being—you are perfect as you are.  Imperfection appears because you are asleep to your own perfection.  The Creator has to flower within you.  The Creator is always there within you—you can never separate yourself from the love of the Creator.

That which you are seeking has already been achieved—you are there NOW!  When you look in the mirror, you can only see a reflection of the miracle that is you!  There is no one on the face of the earth just like you.  You are special.  Out of many possibilities, you were chosen to journey in this life, to discover the good and the bad, but in the end, find real meaning.  Learn the value of forgiveness, discover true friendship, explore goodness, and help whomever you can.  Always be available when needed and be the first to say “yes.”  I will go, send me!  Enjoy good food, genuine friends, satisfying conversations, and experience those moments that stay for a lifetime.

The Creator has placed gifts in our soul.  In these gifts you will find personal power, fulfilling work, rewarding relationships, enduring friendships, and everlasting goodness.  Know one can tell you how to live your life—you have the freedom of the “will” to choose your own path.  Know one can tell you the secrets of the heart, but with faith and discernment all things will be revealed to you when the need arises.  Go to the Source, the Knower, and ask for help.  Ask for guidance—ask to be a servant of humankind.  Try to imagine how it must feel to be at perfect peace!  Close your eyes and you are there.  Are you listening—are you paying attention!

We can respond to our soul’s need as it winds its way through the maze we call life.  We can be the protector of our own souls with renewal and restoration.  This is not about being perfect—perfection has its place.  This is about living patiently in the moment with life as it presents itself day by day in each moment of existence.  With the intersection of technology with theology in these contemporary times, people complain of emptiness, meaninglessness, depression and disillusionment about family, marriage and relationships.  They are feeling a loss of values, yearning for personal fulfillment and hunger for spirituality.

We yearn excessively for entertainment, power, intimacy, sexual fulfillment, and material possessions.  And we believe we can find these things if we discover the right relationship or the right job, church or therapist.  But in the end, it’s about “caring for the soul.”  Caring for the soul requires a special crafting of life itself, with an artist’s sensitivity to the way things are done.  Caring for the soul requires skill and attention.  As the seed of soul unfolds into character and personality, we must watch and participate in this special event which comes with history, a language, and a unique mythology that is the centrality of belonging.

It is our responsibility to cultivate our souls.  It is the focal point or vector, the centrality of who we are, and yet it is far beyond our capacity to devise and to control it.  It is so special that Jesus who became the Christ reminded us that the Kingdom of God is within us.  It’s the place where the Holy Spirit resides.  But not until you cultivate, retrieve and participate in the things of the soul can we reach the ultimate spiritual fulfillment.  It is inspiring to care for the soul.  It is what life’s journey is all about.  Start this day and care for the soul.

Civility Matters…….

“Whatever happen to civility?” is an often heard lament from strangers, neighbors, and friend!  Our civil society is changing at warp speed as more and more people accept incivility as the “new normal.”  For example, the escalating vulgarity and hateful rhetoric similar to the derogatory comments by Rush Limbaugh to Sandra Fluke who was trying to protect a woman’s access to contraception and preventive health care.  Moreover, the firing of Pat Buchanan from MSNBC for his white supremacist rhetoric is another example of this level of incivility.  We are witnessing a time where there is lax standards, sensational media and polarizing politics.

While rudeness is pervasive and rising, the societal and financial costs of incivility are astronomical.  It is because we have sold our soul for comforts and conveniences, for status and success and let the few wealthy individuals control our destiny.  Our bizarre behaviors as a result of incivility manifest themselves in some basic disorders such as depression, loneliness, boredom, sleep deprivation, and yes, violence.  We suffer from feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt and worthlessness.  More people live alone in this country than ever before.  Thirty-six percent of Americans say they are lonely.  But it’s not just living alone, it’s that we don’t gather together just to be together.

Under the veneer of top corporate executives, the veneer of control is depression and despair.  To get to the top, they’ve had to give up almost every thing:  time with themselves; time with friends; time with family; and most of all they had to give up their values and their dreams of making a difference in the world.

Perhaps we have lost touch with a depth and substance in life that we are searching for so that we may reclaim and experience of aliveness and authenticity.  Maybe we will find some zest and enthusiasm that may lead us back to a time when life had meaning and purpose and caring for others.

Disappearing ……..

How often do we disappear in the middle of a conversation?  Someone is talking but we are not listening.  It’s like an imaginary conversation because we are not in the room.  We are some place other than where our body is located.  You can be looking the person in the face thinking about the news; tee-time; what’s for dinner; the next appointment with my stylist, doctor or accountant.  And you are asking yourself, “When will this conversation end?”  You are looking around the room smiling at total strangers hoping that someone will rescue you from this boring conversation.

Our disappearing and have imaginary conversations do not work well with family, especially with children.  A child will continue to call to call your name until they have your undivided attention.  Other family members will become angry and stop talking until you acknowledge their presence and show some respect for the conversation.  We all do this!  We disappear when it is convenient for our sanity.  We will nod appropriately and make noises, and yet, we are not listening.  When someone finally calls us out with anger and resentments about our disrespectful behavior, we are shocked and defend our behavior and quite adamant about our actions while claiming to have a lot on our mind—“I’m sorry” is the immediate reply when caught in our disappearing act.  One of the most important gifts we can give anyone is the gift of our honest self.  All of us, no matter how young or old, need a web of family, friends, neighbors, community and social networks.  In our contemporary society, it is easy to lose sight of our role in this web.

Me …… and My Story

There is a realization that no situation or event is really finished because it becomes part of a bigger story that is repeated over and over again.  Me and my story is a series of moments and situations that bends and, in some cases, almost break me at time when my life is seemingly out of control.  The situations in my life are always changing and there are lessons to learn, but one must stop, look, listen and pay attention.  And so the questions vital to my personal search for meaning and purpose, focusing specifically on questions relating to my inner life and the quality of existence, are open-ended questions with life essentials at the core and contains timeless and always contemporary provocative investigations and discussions that begs for answers.

Me and my story is the same for many people with similar questions.  Why am I so unhappy?  Why do I continue to grieve for a loved one who died many years ago?  Why am I alone?  Why are friends hard to find?  When will the pain go away?  Will I ever be loved and cared for?   What happen to the hole in my soul?  When will the rain stop and the sun shine again in my life?

When I let go and trust again, then the notion whose I am is realized again….and me and my story find peace again, joy will replace sorrow and the darkness in my life will be light enough!

WHITNEY…….

Whitney Houston…..this extraordinary woman with the playful smile, adorning eyes and that golden voice…..what an exceptional gift that God gave to her to share with the world and we are better because of Whitney’s gift.  As many of us sat watching the home going of Whitney, we were reminded of the value of family, friendship, social networks, surrogate mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers and what it mean to have fans that love you, but only watch from a distance as the family ask for quiet time.  They wanted to remember and reflect on the wonderful spirit that they shared with the world, but also remember the child that was exposed to the dangerous and complex world of entertainment.  Their willingness to share the gift with the world exceeded their own fears and in the end Whitney came home to that small circle of family and friends where the burst of love and joy exposed Whitney’s faith in a loving God and resilience was shown in stories and song.

All of us, no matter how young or old, need a web of family, friendship, community, church, nature, time and spirit.  In our society, it is easy to lose sight of the web.  Yet, even in the dark, we can find the faithful remnants and begin to weave again.  Friendship is based on trust and chemistry.  And why it happens or why it rises and falls, and rises again, is a mystery like a fine piece of music.  A friend accepts you for who you are, but expects you to be all you can be.  Friendship can fight off depression and despair.  And it’s time to reflect and remember the little things about life, family and what we know to be true about ourselves so that we may change for the better.

Returning home after the home going celebration of Whitney Houston, we can reflect on life’s many twists and turns, fears and anxieties and maybe say about ourselves…..”Didn’t we almost have it all”…but in the end it’s the voice of Whitney that gives life hope and meaning.  In the final analysis, it if the life we live that is our gift to God.